First Looks: Here’s what you need to know before planning yours

To have a first look or to not? Let’s break it down.

A bride walking up to her groom for their first look on the rooftop of Ambassador Hotel in Chicago’s Gold Coast. This couple chose a private, pre-ceremony first look with iconic city views of downtown Chicago in the background.

To start, what is a first look?

Traditionally, the couple getting married would not see each other on their wedding day until the start of the ceremony when one walks down the aisle to meet the other. However, it has become very popular in modern weddings for couples to have an intentional “first look” prior to the ceremony. There are many reasons why couples may or may not choose to have a first look prior to the ceremony.

NOTE: There are many other “first looks” that can happen throughout a wedding day. One could even argue that any time anyone sees either of the individuals getting married for the first time can be considered a first look. Many couples opt for first looks with their parents, their wedding parties and more. For the sake of this blog post, I’ll be exclusively talking about the first look between the two people getting married.

Here are several reasons why couples choose to do a first look before the ceremony:

• A first look gives you more time to spend with each other on your wedding day. One of my lease favorite things to do in the wedding planning process is be the one to point out to couples how traditional wedding timelines allow very limited, if any, time for the couple to be intentionally with each other during a wedding day. Though it’s a very important reminder as you consider how to structure your day. Seeing each other earlier in the day allows you to maximize your time with the only other person whom the day is truly about! Additionally, setting aside a chunk of time in the day for your first look guarantees that you two will spend some quiet, intentional, quality alone time with each other early in your wedding day. This can be a perfect time for private vows (more on that and the pros & cons later) or simply just being with each other and taking in the moment before adding all of your guests and the celebration to the mix.

A groom wipes a tear while his bride reads her vows. This couple wanted to read their vows privately to each other after their first look, before their ceremony.

• A pre-ceremony first look is private. While all lovers of love (me, hi) loooooveeee to witness a ceremony first look due to the sweet, universal emotions felt during that special moment, this incredibly special, intimate moment becomes a spectacle in and of itself. While there is nothing wrong with wanting this moment to be witnessed by your loved ones, if you don’t love the idea of having this moment with your person in front of all your guests, I strongly recommend doing a private first look before the ceremony. Then this moment truly is yours and yours alone (and, well, mine and a videographer’s, but we’ll be flies on the wall and give you your space). If you have stage fright or you’re already nervous about being the center of attention all day, the thought of expressing the purest emotions of love in front of everyone you know during a ceremony first look could cause you to hold back and get in your head about things other than seeing your person for the first time before you marry them.

• A first look can help ease nerves and anxiety about the day earlier in the day. One thing I love about first looks as a photographer is watching the two individuals physically relax as soon as they’re in each other’s presence on their wedding day. Wedding days are fulllll of all kinds of emotion, and yes, sometimes not so fun emotions like stress and anxiety too. The antidote to much of the stress and anxiety is often being with the person you’re about to marry. Choosing to see each other before the ceremony, where all of your guests will be with eyes on you, is a great way to ease those nerves and focus on the positive emotions earlier in the day.

A bride & groom embrace after their pre-ceremony first look at Olive Park in downtown Chicago.

• Doing a first look before the ceremony often gives a wedding timeline much more flexibility. When a couple sees each other for the first time prior to the ceremony, this immediately creates so much more flexibility in the timeline of the day. Many, if not all, portraits for the couple and their VIPs can now be completed prior to the start of the ceremony, so when the ceremony ends, the couple is then free to maximize their time enjoying the celebration with their guests as opposed to being pulled for more formal portraits.

• A pre-ceremony first look allows the couple the ability to join most, if not all, of the festivities with their guests later in the day, as opposed to spending that time taking photos. When couples opt to wait to see each other during the ceremony, this means that nearly all formal portraits must be completed after the ceremony, since you won’t be able to take any photos of the two of you together prior to the ceremony. Depending on how much time there is between your ceremony and cocktail hour/reception, how far the ceremony location is from the reception location, any additional offsite photo locations, the size of your wedding party and family, etc., this can mean that up to multiple hours of portraits will need to be completed after the ceremony before you’re able to join the festivities of the evening. As a photographer, I personally dread when I need to lovingly hold my couples hostage for photos while their guests are enjoying the celebration - usually in this case, time at cocktail hour is sacrificed.

If you do opt for a pre-ceremony first look, I can assure you that the moment of seeing each other during the walk down the aisle will still be incredibly special and emotional. That moment can’t be replicated or diminished for what it is.

Her view - A groom seeing his bride during their private first look before their wedding ceremony.

His view - A bride seeing her groom during their private first look before their wedding ceremony.

A groom gets emotional seeing his bride for the first time on their wedding day as she’s walking down the aisle.

Finally, the very important case for waiting for the ceremony first look: A primary reason couples may choose to wait to see each other for the first time during the ceremony is out of tradition. It is definitely a very romantic, fairytale-type moment to see each other for the first time on your wedding day while walking down the aisle, as emotions have been building all day and are so heightened at that moment. If this is a moment you’ve been dreaming of for years and you are a-okay with the possibility of a more restricted timeline and skipping some of the guest festivities throughout the day for photos, this is definitely the right option for you! I will still offer my expertise on how we can optimize your timeline to get all the special portraits you want, while maximizing your time in the way that you want to spend it, whether that’s alone with each other or with your guests.

A bride reads her vows to her groom before their wedding ceremony. This couple chose to wait until the ceremony to see each other for the first time, but they still took the opportunity to share a private, intimate moment with each other prior to the ceremony.

A couple reads their vows to each other privately before their ceremony. They wanted to wait to see each other for the first time during the bride’s walk down the aisle.

There are still ways you can meaningfully connect with each other earlier in the day. I’ve had couples in the past who have chosen to wait to see each other for the first time during the walk down the aisle, however, they wanted to read their vows to each other privately beforehand. With my help and coordination, we arranged for them to meet at a place that was private and where they wouldn’t risk seeing each other, but they were able to hold hands and feel each others’ presence while reading their vows and briefly chat about their excitement for the day.

If you opt for a ceremony first look, there are so many other ways to add in private, romantic moments with each other throughout your wedding day. In addition to a “first touch” or out-of-sight private vow reading before the ceremony, you can talk to each other on the phone, trade letters and/or gifts for each other to open & read the morning of your wedding, a private moment alone after your ceremony before you join the party, or even a private “last” dance at the very end of your reception after guests leave before heading to the after party or calling it a night.

So, to have a first look or to not? The only right choice is the one that feels best to the two of you.

DISCLAIMER: While I will not hide the fact that I am pro- pre-ceremony first look both personally and professionally, I am not here to persuade anyone to choose one over the other based on my feelings about it. I am here to shed light on the reasons why my couples have chosen to do a pre-ceremony first look or not based on my experience, as well as give my professional opinion of how a pre-ceremony first look can be beneficial, should you be on the fence about what to do. Should you still choose to do a ceremony first look, I will not be disappointed, judgy or try to dissuade you in the slightest - this is your day, and I do looooove getting to witness and photograph and traditional ceremony first looks down the aisle! They are classic for a reason. I will still do everything I can to maximize your day and the photography based on how you envision it.